Four Pass Loop - Day 3
8/30/23
6.30 am. whoop buzzed and alarm beeped.
the morning greeted with me a fresh pair of sore legs- the kind i found a sick little pleasure in. as if i was carrying yesterday with me a little longer, proof of the effort i’d put in.
i ate my breakfast overlooking the turquoise emerald waters of geneva lake, while gratitude flooded every part of me. gratitude for the utter peacefulness of where i was, gratitude for having made it through safely so far and gratitude for the banter between ian and jon and i as we talked about the hard stretch of the day before and how we were feeling today. being able to see the same people, the guys and nikki, over that 4 day stretch brought such a special sense of comraderies and “in it togetherness” to the trip.
after sipping on my backcountry coffee concoction, i packed up and thanked this idyllic lake for the safe night and got to hiking. at this point, the trip was more than halfawy over and some bittersweetness started creeping in. a part of me yearning for more than “just” 4 days.
awe-filled tears crept in as i looked back at the mountains and valleys i’d hiked through the day before. i was doing this. i had made this happen.something that a year ago was just a dream, now stood in the palm of my hand, in the ground beneath my feet.
“heal me, change me, use me, move me.” i mentally repeated to myself as i hiked. i wanted to be broken open. i wanted to be altered by the land surrounding me and the effort i put forth to move myself through it. with every step i took, i imagined things i no longer needed to carry moving through my feet into the dirt, being carried down deep into the earth to be composted and spit back out as something new. i imagined new energy seeping in through every oxygen particle i breathed in. a symboytic relationship between me and the earth.
as i approached trail rider, i challenged myself to stop as little as possible. the goal was to keep moving, now matter how slowly i went. to just take one step in front of the other, until i reached the top.
i found myself gasping multiple times at the green bowl i was climbing my way out of. the views from the south’s side of trail rider becoming my absolute favorite of the entire trip.
“heal me, change me, use me, move me.” a wish. a prayer. a calling in.
and i did it. no matter the throbbing of my legs or burning in my lungs. i kept walking. one tiny step in front of the other. 40ish lbs in my back, at around 12k feet of elevation. just me. making my way up a mountain. home on my back.
as i gently removed my trust red and grey backpack, carefully laying it on the ground, i felt a different sense of accomplishment than i did from the previous two passes. it felt extra special to have made it to the top, that way. having written a new narrative for myself: that i can do hard things. that i am capable of expanding beyond what i’ve done before and what i sometimes doubt i can do.
i was reminded we’re all doing our own versions of hard. and anyone doing hard things is admirable in my book.
even in this jaw dropping scenery, i sometimes found myself judging how i was spending my time. as if there were a right or wrong way to spend it out there. don’t think of your crush, be present, stop thinking so much.
“heal me, change me, use me, move me”.
what good was this judgement and frustration at my own humanity doing? so i flipped the script. and instead of letting that river of thoughts keep flowing, i diverted course: i giggled at it all. how cute, me, a mere human, in this big big wilderness, thinking of people she likes. adorable. how human of me, to have thoughts about things!
throughout this trip one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s quotes accompanied many of my steps: "i have arrived. i am home- my destination is in each step.”
i arrived at Geneva Lake by midday, thankful to have time to write and soak up some mountain sun. the rest of the day went by both quickly and slowly, as i let myself just be. the ease at which i was able to do so starkly different from the first day. the mental chatter much slower, or barely even noticeable.
there was even time for me to take a cold plunge (!!) and hang out with the guys a bit. my guide self coming through as i asked them what their “rose, bud, thorn” was for the day. todd, a steady inclusive presence, inviting me to join them for dinner. it was so special to have spent so much of this trail blissfully on my own and also so lovely to have people to connect with at the end of the day.
i couldn’t believe tomorrow was the last day.
9.30pm, lights out.
the day’s data:
hiked: 8:50am-1.30pm
6.03 miles and 1,608 ft elevation gain
second shortest day on trail!
technical notes:
geneva lake has assigned camping spots, which made choosing where to camp pretty easy!
snowmass lake was more limited in where to camp, as it was dispersed, but a lot of areas had “no camping” and “restoration area” signs
the boulder field above Snowmass Lake definitely felt like the sketchiest part of the trail for me, mostly ‘cause i’m afraid they’ll just roll away while i’m crossing them. this might change as time goes on, but as of 8/30/23 the “path” to cross it was a ~15 feet higher up from where the trail meets the rocks.